dirty rotten scoundrels

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Hot on the heels of the sweeping declarations by our esteemed leader, President “I have no idea what goes on in my country” Bush, that the US economy is in no danger, yet another crisis has hit…(drum roll please)… the US economy! Yes you read that right. Just hours after clueless Bush said that American finances are basically stable and would be back on track by 2012, major investment bank Bear Stearns asked the New York Federal Reserve for help.

This is just another example of one of the major problems that the new president in office will need to remedy if he, or she, is to gain the confidence of the American people.

So the good news is that Bush will be gone, never to return to the White House thank God! But what are the alternatives? Are the new candidates better than Bush in financial matters or ready to deliver a taste of same old, same old? Let’s take a look shall we?

1. Senator John McCain

According to Bush, the economy is stable. It really isn’t, but the scary thing is that McCain seems to believe him. He’s barely mentioned the economy. This could be for one of three reasons –

1. He has no idea what he’d be talking about so he’s taken the easy option
2. He’s letting Bush do the talking for him, which may be the easiest option but also the most stupid one
3. He doesn’t care because he’s going to hike taxes to pay for the next war America embarks on. Maybe he’ll invade Korea… or Vietnam… or Canada.

In fact, McCain seems to have taken the typical Republican view. As long as he is sat in his mansion with his manservant on hand, it really doesn’t matter what the economy does. That’s what his staff are for. So what if the rich get richer and the poor get poorer? At least the Republican legacy will live on.

Bush plans to make sure that tax cuts already in force are permanent and spending plans that have been curbed will be kept that way for the foreseeable future. McCain has no reason not to carry on with this. While not as stupid as Bush, McCain will undoubtedly want to find money for national security and defense. If the rich aren’t paying the taxes than the money will come from you and me.

Housing? Unemployment? The Federal Reserve? Who cares! Not the ancient soldier, that’s for sure!

So who will benefit? The rich, every single time.

2. Senator Barack Obama

The common man’s champion, Obama intends to get rid of aforementioned tax cuts for the rich. After all, they have enough money as it is don’t they? Quite how he’ll do that nobody’s sure because he hasn’t really elaborated. As with most of his policies, Obama hasn’t gone into any detail, possibly so nobody can remind him of it when he fails to get rid of the tax cuts if he gets elected. This is all ifs, ands and buts now but Obama has no experience and apparently no clue what he’s doing. Plus the puppet masters won’t like paying more tax every year.

He’ll probably try to do something about the housing situation and the poverty levels may drop under Obama because he’s got to look out for his people (by which I mean the poorer voters, regardless of race). Unemployment will still remain an issue though because he seems to have no idea about how industry works, besides which robbing from the rich and giving to the poor only works in tales of centuries gone by. He’s no Robin Hood, despite the image of himself he misguidedly has.

So who will benefit? Nobody because he’ll try to please everyone and there’s no way he’ll ultimately be in control. Ask the puppet masters instead.

3. Senator Hilary Clinton

The woman that loaned $5 million to her own campaign reckons that she’ll provide the working classes with the same financial breaks that her husband did if she gets into office. There are so many possible jokes in that statement its untrue, most of them related to Monica Lewinsky, but I’ll leave it alone for now! With $5 million to spare though, she really doesn’t have to worry about where her next buck is coming from so she might just keep her word.

The housing and unemployment situations may well improve because she has prior experience and can always ask Bill if she gets a little stuck from time to time. He had a good economic record, questionable morals perhaps but he didn’t always try and please everyone so his wife shouldn’t have any problems doing the same. Aside from that, there isn’t much to say on economic issues because all you have to do is look at the last Clinton administration to see what she’ll do.

So who will benefit? Ethnic minorities and the middle classes. The rich won’t get richer, for a change but whether the economy would recover is anyone’s guess.

Hmmm, think it’s time to consider life in Canada (kidding!).