dirty rotten scoundrels

Jump to Comments

The roads are dangerous places these days. You can’t switch on the radio or the TV without seeing some sort of car wreck on the Interstate or in a built up area. I’m willing to bet that most of you have been involved in one yourself, but have you ever hit a pedestrian? Most drivers have accidents with other cars but not people walking by the side of the road. I did say MOST drivers there!

Now all drivers that have had an accident on the road in the past with completely identify with what I’m about to say. It is not OUR fault when we have an accident but the other drivers’ fault. Our first reactions are to get out of the car, head over the other driver and punch his/her lights out. If it’s a pedestrian though the rules change a little and you have to come up with a decent excuse as to what you ploughed into the little old lady or flipped the little boy over your bonnet. That may sound callous, but not half as callous (or as funny) as the 25 excuses below. In fact, I have never laughed so much in my life!

Now take a deep breath and dive right in to the top 20 tales ever told by drivers that hit pedestrians. All 100% genuine too!

1. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit her.

2. I struck a pedestrian to avoid hitting the bumper of the $35,995 Mercedes in front. My insurance can’t afford that kind of hit.

3. The car in front hit the pedestrian. I saw it all happen, but he got up so I hit him again.

4. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

5. I saw her look at me twice, which distracted me, and then she was making slow progress when we met on impact.

6. I saw him but he looked like a tree so I didn’t think it’d be a big deal if I hit him.

7. The dog pissed up the wheel of my Porsche last week so I was aiming for him and not the little girl. How was I to know she’d get in the way?

8. I didn’t have my glasses on so all I could see was a silhouette. I’ve seen ghosts before so I just thought I’d drive right through him. It never occurred to me that it might be a person. Why would I think it was a person?

9. I’d never seen such big tits before! They were truly mesmerizing so it’s her fault that I forgot to brake in time. I’m surprised they didn’t act as airbags.

10. I saw a slow moving old man as he bounced off the roof of my car.

11. The pedestrian couldn’t decide which way to run as I ran over him.

12. I was sure the dude would never make it over to the other side of the road when I struck him.

13. I couldn’t decide which way to go around her and before I knew it I was on top of her.

14. I thought he’d move out of my way because I was bigger than him, but he didn’t.

15. Well, he wasn’t standing there when I drove by before so I wasn’t expecting him to stand there when I drove by this time, but he was.
16. I thought it was my wife.

17. I thought it was my mother in law. Turns out it wasn’t but the poor woman didn’t have much to live for looking that much like her.

18. I was concentrating on the road until my girlfriend squeezed my testicles. I just lost it and next thing I know, that guy was on my hood. Now what’s up with that?

19. She was standing in my parking space and wouldn’t move so I made her.

20. She was lying down in the road so I thought I’d do her a favor.