1. There’s something about tanks that people seem to love. Either it’s their glamorous movie roles or their crucial strategic importance in battle zones; a lot of people hold a special place in their hearts for these thundering metallic beasts. Ever fancied driving and firing one for real? If you know the right places to go on the internet, you can make that dream a reality although I imagine the car insurance would be pretty steep! It’s possible to buy rides in actual Russian T-34/85 and T-72 tanks, as well other varieties of tank, and explode away until your heart’s content! One place you could get this opportunity was formerly available from TankRide, however the website is now unfortunately not working.

2. The childish part of us will always love theme park rides. Either classics like the hall of mirrors, or the more thrilling rides such as the roller coasters and log flumes. These can also be bought online, although maybe not on your credit card with your average roller coaster costing $840,000 and upwards, they’re no cheap thing. But imagine owning your very own roller coaster in your back yard? I imagine the neighbors would be pretty jealous. Or furious.

3. On one of my various journeys across the internet, I came across an auction for just a photograph of an empty condom packet and the underwear of someone that was apparently having an affair with the seller’s husband. The story is that she found the packet and the underwear in their bedroom and pretty soon, the husband was an ex-husband. EBay however, did not allow the sale of the actual items, so the seller is now offering a photo of said items as the lot. Check it out- click here.

4. The Lunar Registry, claiming to be “Earth’s leading lunar real estate agency” offers – you guessed it – real estate on the Moon! A small slice of life on the Moon can be yours and it will not require a mortgage as you can buy for as little as $18.95-$37.50 per acre of land, depending on which area you’re buying in, as some are more desirable than others, with the “Sea of Tranquility” area being “the Moon’s most prestigious location”. I’d love to brag to my friends about being a Lunar Landlord!

5. Always on the lookout for interesting garden features (aren’t we all?), I couldn’t help but share this amazing find, as I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at it. From Design Toscano, providers of unusual garden/home decorations, this odd zombie sculpture is sure to replace – or at least frighten away – any of the more normal-looking gnomes. Selling for $89.95, that’s $90 of pure garden terror!

6. We’ve all heard of being able to fly a fighter jet or drive a racing car for a day, but TheBlueFish has a package that combines a whole bunch of exhilarating elements like this into one package! Calling it the James Bond package, it allows you spend a week in the super spy’s fictional shoes, visiting the real world locations that he’s been to, including Moscow and the Kremlin! You’ll also be able to take part in spy-based things such flying a military jet, and you’ll get the opportunity to receive private driving lessons from a formula 1 racing driver, amongst the many activities on offer. Be Bond for a week, with prices starting at an adventurous $75,000 per person on the experience.

7. Amazon.com is not without its fair share of weirdness as well, as these next 3 positions demonstrate, and now it’s actually quite possible to buy wolf urine there. It’s a well-documented fact that wolves will spray areas of land with their own urine to mark their territory and ward off would-be intruders, so now you can do it for them! This wolf urine is made available for you to buy (for only $31) in order to hopefully deter unwanted animals from straying onto your property.

8. Our next offering from the net has the horrific title of “Liquid Ass Fart Spray”, quite what “liquid ass” is, I hope I never find out. The spray is a bargain at just under $5, although not being an expert in the realm of fart spray prices; I’m unable to tell you how competitive this pricing really is. The item description claims that only a third of the small bottle is enough to rid an entire house of its occupants because “the stink will be so bad”. Try it for yourself!

9. For all you budding mad scientists and world-dominating overlords, now’s your chance! Amazon is selling small samples of radioactive uranium ore! What you’d want to do with it is anyone’s guess, but the description says it can be used for testing Geiger counters. I imagine the customs charges will be pretty crazy on something like that!

10. I thought the cream of the crop had to be these corpses, so I saved the best until last. Yes, corpses. Fortunately, they’re not real, but carefully constructed to high levels of realism and detail from liquid latex. You too can now own a finely-crafted and disgusting-looking corpse from Di Stefano Productions for around $545 for males and $595 for females. You’ll even get to choose the skin color, hair color, and what the creator calls the “degree of decay”. Not a suitable wedding gift, I’m sure!

Since it appeared on our monitor screens sometime in 1995 eBay has been the host to some of the world’s strangest auction items. Nowadays there are thousands of interesting, unique and downright bizarre items going under the electronic hammer at any one time – a cornflake resembling Jesus, an extraterrestrial cadaver, the meaning of life (which sold for £1.26/$2.50), Elvis’s old toilet brush, a wig made from pubic hair, George W Bush’s frontal lobe, a pet rock (no pet insurance needed), your very own jingle – and so on and so forth (I’ll leave it to you to decide which of those I made up). Bemusement is the common reaction upon learning that people actually sell such items; disbelief is usually reserved for the fact that people actually buy them.

Quite regularly such auctions are seized upon by the mainstream media and reported across the globe. Though the majority of these reports come in the form of humorous asides at the end of TV news reports or in What a Crazy World! magazine-filler articles, other eBay auction have spurred serious debates and stoked public interest in important matters. This attention, though usually down to the nature of the item, can also be generated by the intriguing motives or underlying intentions of the seller. These auctions demonstrate that, over the years, eBay has been used for other purposes besides making a quick buck – some users have exploited the site for publicity, some for protest, some for personal ends and others, it would seems from the list above, through sheer boredom.

This article examines a few pioneering online purveyors who, for whatever reason, stirred public interest and media controversy by testing the boundaries of just what is deemed saleable in this age of electronic auctions.

For Sale: One Life, Used
Recently, in a widely-reported case, a 44-year-old British ex-patriate, Ian Usher, sold his entire life on eBay. Distraught by the breakdown of his marriage and the subsequent rubbishness of his life in Perth, Australia, Usher decided to make a clean break by selling off everything that he had acquired in his decade and a half’s worth of existence. Not only did this package consist of the expected accumulation of personal possessions such as Usher’s suburban home, Mazda car and jet ski, but also his job as a carpet store sales assistant and an introduction to all of his friends.

Irksomely, hoax bids on this prêt-a-porter life pushed it up as high as £1.06m ($2.12m) at one point; however, the successful bid was the somewhat lower figure of £192,000 ($384,000), of which Usher philosophically said: “I thought it might have gone a bit higher at the end. But I’ve no regrets. What’s done is done, and I’m looking forward to sorting this all out”.

For Sale: One Forehead, A Mobile Advertising Solution
In 2005 American web developer and entrepreneur, Andrew Fischer, became the first person to auction off a body part as advertising space. The month-long utilisation of the 20-year-old Nebraskan’s forehead eventually sold to SnoreStop, a company specialising in snoring remedies, for a respectable $37,375 (£18,700).

As well as earning Fischer a tidy sum in his current account, the stunt garnered a great deal of publicity for both the successful bidder and Fischer himself whose story and subsequent entrepreneurial endeavours can be seen on his website HumanAdSpace.com. Many people have since jumped on this bandwagon with various body parts having been auctioned for advertising purposes including breasts and penises.

For Sale: Virginity, Never Been Used
eBay is no stranger to criticism regarding its apathetic approach to policing its auctions. However, when it comes to mankind’s oldest mercantile endeavour, selling sex – or, more precisely in this controversial case, selling one’s virginity – eBay’s administrators are keen to be seen acting swiftly.

In 2004, Rosie Reid, an 18-year-old student struggling with credit cards and the financial burden of a British university education, took the decision to sell her virginity on eBay . The young social policy student’s auction received a huge amount of press attention and caused a furore in some sections of the media. Yet although Reid’s auction spurred some debate concerning the rising costs of education in the UK and the plight of British students, the tabloid press were much more interested in sordid details. eBay swiftly pulled the ad but Reid went ahead with her auction on a private website. According to the depressingly squalid story subsequently reported in a British Sunday tabloid, the successful bidder was a 44-year-old divorced father of two who paid £8,400 ($16,800).

For Sale: One Wife, Looking For Quick Sale
Another British tabloid favourite is the recent story of alleged cuckold, Paul Osborn, who, in a fit of anger, ‘eBayed’ his wife. The advert, complete with unflattering picture of said spouse indulging in some nasal-excavation along with her mobile phone number, described her as a “cheating, lying, adulterous slag of a wife.”

Despite the inauspicious description bids reached upwards of £500,000 ($999,000) before Osborn removed the advert. He was later cautioned by the police for “sending an offensive, indecent, obscene and menacing message” on the web.

For Sale: 22 x Venetians, Genuine Articles
A group of young residents of Venice, Italy auctioned themselves recently in a bid to raise awareness of the fate of their world-famous, water-filled city. Their protest concerned the monopolisation of their home by tourism-led investors and developers that is threatening local culture and driving up house prices by turning Venice into a city dominated by hotels, B&Bs and tourists.

The 22 infuriated Venetians advertised themselves as: “Born and bred Venetians, excellent pedigree, last in stock: movie extras, fancy-dress parties, high-toned decoration. Going fast!”

All the examples above have shown the financial, corporate and media interest that an intriguing online auction can generate. Such media hype is highly valuable and beneficial publicity – indeed, some of the examples above have been rumoured to be just that: clever PR stunts engineered by eBay. The bottom-line is that whether the item for sale is controversial, distasteful or politically-loaded; whatever the reason that compels the seller; and despite the financial or personal gain, there is only one party that benefits in all aspects every time – and that is eBay.

3. After her accident, one woman tried to claim that an invisible car had suddenly appeared, hit her, and then vanished again.

4. Another man that had been in an accident involving a truck claimed that the truck had “backed through the windshield and into my wife’s face”.

5. One person even tried to claim that it wasn’t their fault when they “collided with a stationary truck coming the other way”.

6. Some drivers don’t pay much attention to their immediate surroundings, let alone anything happening outside of the car. This unfortunate driver had just about completed his journey home and was pulling into the driveway, when suddenly he heard the sound of scraping and crunching metal, only to realize that he’d been driving with both of his rear passenger doors open.

7. An Australian claimant blamed his accident on two kangaroos that he saw having sex in the middle of the road, and as he hit them, it caused him to “ejaculate through the sunroof”.

8. A driver sent to hospital with head injuries then tried to claim that he’d thought the window was down, but found it was up when he put his head through it.

9. A woman that was recovering from a late night accident had tried to claim that it wasn’t her fault as she “didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight”.

10. One man decided to blame the very thing he crashed into, claiming that he’d driven out of his driveway as he normally did, however this time he drove straight into a bus. He blamed the bus, for being “5 minutes early”.

11. Someone filling out their insurance claim form was asked if either driver could have done anything to have avoided the accident. Answer: Travelled by bus?

12. Sometimes things might even happen for no reason at all and without warning, as one man found out when he’d crashed straight into another car. The man went on to claim that it wasn’t his fault because the other car crashed into him “without giving warning of its intention”.

However, if you have heard of all of the airplane crashes below then it really is no wonder why you may want to take out life insurance before flying. They truly are the worst of the worst and, unfortunately, are all but one are caused by human error or deliberation rather than an unfortunate mechanical accident. I guarantee that you’d have heard of at least one.

Before you read on, I must warn you that some of the descriptions of the plane crashes below just might cause a slight fear of flying so don’t read them before you raid your savings account to go on vacation:

5 – Chicago, May 25, 1973 – This particular crash occurred before he airplane was even fully in the air and remains the worst crash in American history if we’re going solely by the number of people that died on board an individual plane. In total, there were 273 people on board the American Airlines DC-10. The flight had only just taken off from O’Hare airport when the engine actually physically detached from the plane, but it was the fact that it damaged the wing as it fell off that caused the plan to roll 90 degrees before turning into a massive fireball. It led to all DC-10s being grounded because the design was faulty. Unfortunately, it was too late for the 273 people that had to learn the hard way.

4 – Riyadh, August 19, 1980 – There were 301 people killed on board flight Saudia L-1011. Although the flight had taken off on its way to Karachi, it touched back down in Riyadh just after takeoff. It touched down safely but there was no evacuation. If the crew had have evacuated the passengers immediately nobody need have died, but as it was the plane’s engines continued to run and ultimately caused a flash fire to ravage the plane about 3 minutes after it landed. To this day, nobody knows why the crew failed to begin the evacuation procedures or how many lives it would have saved. Although this technically isn’t a plane crash, it’s still one of the biggest tragedies to ever occur on an airplane.

3 – Mt Fuji, August 12, 1985 – August seems to be a bad month for plane crashes, and this one was no different. 520 people were killed on the Japan Air Lines 747 that crashed by Mt Fuji. It was originally thought that this crash was a freak accident because of the location of the airplane when it came down, but further investigations proved that theory wrong. An aft bulkhead ruptured during the flight and seriously damaged the tail of the plane. This caused the plane to spiral out of control and it went the only way it could – down. It was human error, but not on the part of the pilot. The bulkhead had been repaired 7 years earlier and had been an accident waiting to happen ever since. The repairs had been botched and it was a wonder they had held for as long as they did.

2 – Tenerife, March 27, 1977 – This plane crash is a little different to the rest in that nothing fell off and nobody had the chance to evacuate. Instead, a KLM Boeing 747 met a Pan Am Boeing 747 head on as they were both trying to negotiate the runway in dense fog. The KLM flight hadn’t waited for permission to depart and met the Pan Am flight, which did have permission to taxi along the runway. A total of 583 crew and passengers died because of the pilot’s defiance in not waiting for the order. This is the worst plane crash in European history.

1 – New York, September 11, 2001 – This is a day that will live in infamy, and will also go down in history as the day that the war on terror officially commenced. It was also the worst plane crash in living memory as a result of the number of people that died and the sheer nature of what happened. 4 planes were hijacked just after leaving their respective New York airports. Two were flown directly into the World Trade Centre, with a third hitting the Pentagon and a fourth crash landing in Pennsylvania, which was presumed to also be heading to Washington before the passengers and crew challenged the terrorists for control of the plane. In total, 2974 people lost their lives that day as a direct result of the crashes, whether they were passengers, workers or members of the rescue team. There were only 246 passengers present on the planes, which is less than all of the above crashes, but the final total dwarfs them all.

In movies, we’re always shown the most daring and well-planned of bank robberies. Where criminals use the most complicated and high-tech methods available. But what about the robbers without access to high-tech gadgets? What about the ones that don’t even have access to intelligence? In this post, I’ll list 10 examples of the dumber criminals to have thought a life of crime was better than getting a few credit cards. So here they are, in no particular order:

Karen Lee Joachimi, 20, spent six months in prison following an unsuccessful attempt to rob a jewelry store by sawing through the protective window-bars with an electric chainsaw. Her defense lawyer pleaded that no damage had actually been done, however, as Joachimi had failed to plug the chainsaw into an electric point.

Three men attempted to rob a bank in Scotland in August, 1975. As they were checking out the location in order to plan their robbery, they became stuck in the bank’s revolving doors and had to be helped out by the staff. They returned minutes later, declaring they were going to rob the bank. Unfortunately for them, none of the staff believed them and they all thought it was a prank, even when the robbers demanded £5,000 in cash (just under $10,000) from customers savings accounts. They decided to take the money themselves, and one man jumped over the teller’s counter, but fell to the floor, grabbing his ankle. Having failed to rob the bank, they were quickly caught as they became stuck in the revolving door as they tried to make a getaway.

In Florida, a man made a daring armed robbery, but it seemed the only danger he posed was to himself as he decided to hold his gun the wrong way round. Security footage showed the man holding the gun incorrectly and he appeared to be afraid of it, as if he may accidentally cause it to fire without warning. At some points during the robbery, he could be seen to actually be pointing the gun at himself. Police believe the gun was not a fake, as they were surprised that someone would be so afraid of a toy gun.

Earlier this year, a man from New Zealand found a brave new place to stash his stolen loot. In his anus. Michael Geoffrey Linn, 36, gained entry to the bank and then proceeded to pass a note to the teller, asking her to fill up a bag with money. As she was doing this, Linn declared that he was sorry and that he was “very, very desperate”. Later that day, a fire was reported near a lake, and as police investigated the fire, they found that the clothing and papers in the fire belonged to Linn, who had tried to burn his clothes using gasoline from his car. Stupidly, Linn had also used papers containing his name and address on them, allowing police to track him down and apprehend him. Police took Linn to the station, where it was discovered that there was a rustling noise coming from somewhere near his rear and an officer removed a roll of notes from Linn’s ass, confirming his guilt.

A 19 year old criminal and carjacker is held on a $50,000 bond and charged with aggravated robbery following his latest crime in Cleveland, as he stopped to ask a nearby television crew for directions. As the car pulled up and the passenger asked for directions to a bank, the driver motioned that the passenger was holding him at gunpoint, and the reporter quickly called the police. Ironically, the newswoman and photographer were at the time doing a sidewalk report on bank problems in the area.

It’s never a good idea to rob a bank in your home town, especially when you leave behind your real name and address at the scene of the crime, which is what happened in downtown McAllen, TX. Maria Garcia, 33, handed the bank teller a robbery note which also had her real name and address written on the back. It turns out that she had used the back of a completed food stamp application form to write the note on. After Garcia fled the scene the bank manager found the note, which lead to police tracking down Garcia at her address and arresting her within two hours of the robbery.

Sandy Springs, GA - Channel Monae Gaskin, 22, was arrested hours after robbing a bank because she was waiting for a bus to make her getaway in. She then went on to tell police that she had even done the same thing before! She had walked into a bank, with no weapon, and asked for money. The teller then handed over some money and Gaskin went on her way, only to have hidden dye packets explode, covering her in an orange dye. She then hid in a grocery store toilet, and tried to stash both her clothes and the stolen cash. A police officer then spotted the suspect waiting at a bus stop in order to escape the area. When asked why she thought she could get away on public transportation, Gaskin then told the officer that she’d done it before and admitted to robbing another bank in a nearby county.

A man from England was arrested after his fifth attempt to rob a bank ended in embarrassing failure yet again. Terence Cole, 50, was jailed for nine and a half years after he left behind a fingerprint at the scene of a crime. Cole had forgotten to wear gloves to the robbery, and as he warned a teller: “you better not lock me in” he pressed against the teller’s glass screen with his finger. Cole’s other attempts at robbery include running into a bank while wearing a scarf to hide his face and shouting for money, only to have the scarf fall off, revealing his face. At another bank, the teller he was trying to rob activated the security shutter, separating him from the cash. He then discarded a piece of his clothing in a nearby toilet, a piece of clothing which contained the name and address of someone he lived with, allowing police to track down his location. In all of his robbery attempts, Cole was seen wearing a brightly-colored construction worker’s jacket, which made him noticeable, and he was arrested while wearing this jacket as he stood outside the next bank he was planning to rob. The jacket also helped witnesses to identify him at the police station.

In Virginia, a man broke into the basement of the bank he intended to rob from. After he’d broken a window to enter, he accidentally cut himself quite badly on the broken glass. At the same time, he realized that not only was he bleeding quite badly, but he was unable to make his escape from inside the bank. Unsure of what to do in his situation, he dialed 911. He was quickly arrested.

San Francisco - A 35 year old man decided he would try to rob from a local Bank of America by writing a robbery note which he would then hand to the teller. The note read: “This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.”. But worried that someone in the bank had seen him write the note, he decided to rob the bank across the street. As the teller read his note, she guessed that from the poor spelling, that he wasn’t the most intelligent of men. She told the man that as he’d written his note on a Bank of America deposit slip, she was unable to accept it and that he’d have to go back to the Bank of America where he could access his current account. The man sighed and left. The teller then called the police and the would-be robber was arrested as he stood at the back of the line in the Bank of America.

Certain prisons, both old and new, are notorious for violence and some easily out perform others in the horror stories stakes. The 10 worst prisons in the world are listed below. Read ‘em and weep!

1. ADX, Colorado – This is the ultimate prison, literally. Since it opened in 1994, ADX is nothing but slow and inhumane torture. Although those there are the worst of the worst, human rights protestors from all over the world have targeted it. Inmates are only allowed out of their cells for 9 hours a week and barely interact with anyone. There’s hardly any sunlight and you have to do everything in your cell. If ever there was a way to destroy any semblance of hope an individual had then ADX is it!

2. Tadmor Military Prison, Syria – This is one of the most brutal prisons ever. Torture, executions and untold brutality goes on within these walls. The medieval methods of torture have been well documented. Innocent and guilty alike have been dragged via a rope until they’re dead, beaten to death with pipes and chopped into pieces with an axe. However, that’s nothing compared to the massacre of June 27, 1980. Approximately 500 inmates were killed for no apparent reason by the guards and commandos. This is the worst known massacre of its kind to ever have taken place.

3. Carandiru Penitentiary, Brazil – Prison massacres, HIV, legalised torture… Whatever you can imagine from a prison, they have it here. A fifth of all 7,500 inmates have HIV and the vast majority of them didn’t have it when they first walked through the gates. On top of that, if they have to have surgery then forget the anaesthetics. Apparently, anaesthetic is a luxury soothe patients are operated on without anything to numb the pain at. Instead, they’re left to scream. Every now and then there’s a massacre or riots as well but at least that’d be relatively painless in relation.

4. La Sante Prison, France – La Sante is well known for its suicide figures, with 124 suicides occurring in 1999 alone. Prisoners have actually eaten rat poison to escape the depravity here. Some prisoners become slaves, others only leave their cells for 4 hours a day and the violence is horrendous. The punishment block has no running water and many are left down there for days because of minor misdemeanours. The treatment just isn’t humane by any stretch of the imagination.

5. La Sabeneta Prison, Venezuela – With 1 guard to 150 inmates here its no wonder that this is one of the worst prisons on Earth right now. Corruption and bribery run riot here, and that’s just the staff! The prisoners are worse with 624 inmates being hurt and 196 being murdered within the walls in 1995 alone. Yes, all of that happened in just one year! The previous year though 108 died in a day when the inmates had a gun battle… between themselves. Not a nice place to be methinks.

6. Rikers, New York – 5 years ago, this prison would’ve been at number 1 on the list but recent reforms have forced a dramatic improvement so it’s a little tamer than it used to be. For example, the 70 stabbings that take place there every year now used to be around 1,000 a decade ago. The violence is legendary and guards reported that they lived in fear of their lives. Although this isn’t the case anymore, it’s a ghost that’ll haunt the prison forever.

7. Diyarbakir Prison, Turkey – This is a lovely prison to be in. With children imprisoned for life and guards masterminding attacks against the prisons, it’s definitely less than a safe place to be. Prisoners are classed largely as political so they have no rights whatsoever. This may sound a little like the Dark Ages, and it really is. The guards do as they please, as an attack against 33 prisoners in 1996 proves. 10 died and 23 were injured, all at the hands of the authority.

8. San Quentin State Prison, California – As one of the world’s best known prisons, San Quentin is synonymous with violence, executions and the worst of the worst criminals in California to date. It has over 1500 employees and they still can’t control the inmates. The riots in February 2006 proved a good example of that. Racial attacks led to 100 prisoners being badly injured and 2 killed. That’s not the only incident but it’s a great example of just what goes down behind the walls.

9. Mendoza Prison, Argentina – It isn’t the violence here that you have to worry about but the conditions that you’d have to survive if you were sent there. The prison should cater for 600 prisoners but there are over 1000 more there than should be so the overcrowding is horrendous. That isn’t to say that you wouldn’t be exposed to torture because you most likely would at some point.

10. Nairobi Prison, Kenya – Some prisons make their way onto the list of worst prisons not because of violence but because of the conditions that they house prisoners in year in and year out. Inmates here tend to be naked and infected with horrible diseases that kill them slowly. Overcrowding means that they don’t get the medical help they need and most die in agony.

In all these prisons money always talks, if you have some savings you are very much on the way to avoiding alot of the trouble mentioned above, if not you should be looking at a way to get some credit cards as soon as possible.

1. “My dog ate my bill.”
Now this would’ve been a good one if the woman in question hadn’t have claimed it 3 months in a row! The debt collectors found that she didn’t even have a dog when they knocked on her door, although I’d be more worried that she stole the excuse from a school kid and his homework.

2. “I’m officially declaring myself bankrupt for you, right now!”
This intelligent little man really didn’t know what he was talking about when he declared himself bankrupt on the phone to his creditors. Little did he know that there was a little matter of bankruptcy court to go through first to clear his $25,437 debt. Needless to say, his excuse didn’t wash and he soon found himself talking to a bailiff.

3. “I haven’t got any money to pay you. I just bought new boots.”
Taking a leaf out of Rachel from Friends’ book, this 18 year old really hadn’t got a clue when it came to money or to managing debt. What she forgot when she called her creditors to make her excuses was that she had paid for the $369 boots with her credit card. It was the boots that she had to pay off.

4. “I’ve been in a coma for the past few weeks so I haven’t been able to get out to pay the bill.”
This wouldn’t have been as laughable if it were true. As it was, this was just one of the sickest excuses going. The credit cards company may have believed her had she not run up debts of $4967 during the weeks that she was supposedly in a coma… while she was on spring break! After looking at her records, they didn’t buy it for a second.

5. “I was marooned on an island just off the coast that had no banks and no Internet.”
This guy’s next words were *PAUSE* “OK, that’s not true, but if it were would you let me off paying it for a couple of months?”

6. “I didn’t spend that money, my sister did. I’ll give you her address so you can forward the bill on.”
Believe it or not, this was the excuse given by a millionaire whose sister, a single mom, had been forced to stay with her after being evicted from her home. The bill was for $15.34! The credit card company refused and she ruined her credit rating… all for $15.34.

7. “My card must have been stolen and returned to my purse because I’m sure I didn’t spend this much”
Spoken like a true skinflint. This Texan woman had been on vacation in England and spent £43.29 on 3 lunches, which is roughly around $85. Who would steal a card and risk returning it to a purse for $85. Apparently a British tramp would… at least that’s who she blamed when she was subpoenaed for refusing to pay the money off.

8. “I’ll need counselling to get over this bill so you’ll have to wait!”
Yes, a lady actually went to therapy after receiving her $13,029 credit card bill when she returned from Fiji. Like it or not, the credit card company had to wait. They didn’t get their payment, but she did get charged for the lack of payment and went back into therapy the next month. Her holiday to Fiji actually cost her her excellent credit rating and thousands of dollars worth of therapy.

9. “I dropped my credit card off the Staten Island Ferry so I can prove I didn’t run up that bill!”
Yes, this guy actually expected the credit card company to dive off the Staten Island Ferry and retrieve his card to prove it was there to begin with. Of course, he hadn’t spent $16,734 on a new car on his credit card, realised he couldn’t afford the bills and thrown it overboard himself.

10. “My ugly sisters stole my glass slippers so I had to buy some more. If I didn’t then my prince wouldn’t come to get me so that was far more important than paying off my credit card.”
This is the best story I’ve ever heard for not paying a credit card bill. In fact, I just may have used it myself had it not ripped the Brothers Grimm and Disney off completely! Even worse, everyone knows that the existence of Prince Charming was a big fat lie.

Now all drivers that have had an accident on the road in the past with completely identify with what I’m about to say. It is not OUR fault when we have an accident but the other drivers’ fault. Our first reactions are to get out of the car, head over the other driver and punch his/her lights out. If it’s a pedestrian though the rules change a little and you have to come up with a decent excuse as to what you ploughed into the little old lady or flipped the little boy over your bonnet. That may sound callous, but not half as callous (or as funny) as the 25 excuses below. In fact, I have never laughed so much in my life!

Now take a deep breath and dive right in to the top 20 tales ever told by drivers that hit pedestrians. All 100% genuine too!

1. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit her.

2. I struck a pedestrian to avoid hitting the bumper of the $35,995 Mercedes in front. My insurance can’t afford that kind of hit.

3. The car in front hit the pedestrian. I saw it all happen, but he got up so I hit him again.

4. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

5. I saw her look at me twice, which distracted me, and then she was making slow progress when we met on impact.

6. I saw him but he looked like a tree so I didn’t think it’d be a big deal if I hit him.

7. The dog pissed up the wheel of my Porsche last week so I was aiming for him and not the little girl. How was I to know she’d get in the way?

8. I didn’t have my glasses on so all I could see was a silhouette. I’ve seen ghosts before so I just thought I’d drive right through him. It never occurred to me that it might be a person. Why would I think it was a person?

9. I’d never seen such big tits before! They were truly mesmerizing so it’s her fault that I forgot to brake in time. I’m surprised they didn’t act as airbags.

10. I saw a slow moving old man as he bounced off the roof of my car.

11. The pedestrian couldn’t decide which way to run as I ran over him.

12. I was sure the dude would never make it over to the other side of the road when I struck him.

13. I couldn’t decide which way to go around her and before I knew it I was on top of her.

14. I thought he’d move out of my way because I was bigger than him, but he didn’t.

15. Well, he wasn’t standing there when I drove by before so I wasn’t expecting him to stand there when I drove by this time, but he was.
16. I thought it was my wife.

17. I thought it was my mother in law. Turns out it wasn’t but the poor woman didn’t have much to live for looking that much like her.

18. I was concentrating on the road until my girlfriend squeezed my testicles. I just lost it and next thing I know, that guy was on my hood. Now what’s up with that?

19. She was standing in my parking space and wouldn’t move so I made her.

20. She was lying down in the road so I thought I’d do her a favor.

Saving money is a fine art. You have to be a talented saver to keep your head above water these days or else you find yourself neck deep in filthy, stinking debt that’s just like quicksand. No matter how much you try and pull yourself out, you just seem to sink deeper and deeper. So what’s the solution? How can you evade the vicious circle and save money? Is financial freedom just a myth or can you achieve it?

Financial freedom isn’t a myth. You just have to work damn hard. There are loads of tips, tricks and hacks you can use to achieve financial freedom but they’re all dotted around the Internet in various articles that you neither have the time or inclination to read.

Never fear though, your 21 money tricks are here! Not all of them will work for you, but enough of them will so you can save money and live a better, and less stressful, life.

1. Save your loose change in a jar and cash it in at the bank when you have full bags of change. Dimes, nickels and cents soon add up and you won’t realise how much until you save them.

2. Use cash for purchases and leave your cards at home so you’re not tempted to spend on them.

3. Save little and often by transferring $10 or $20 a week into an Internet savings account. It’ll soon mount up.

4. Stick to making purchases in regular stores either in person or via the Internet rather than using credit card accounts. It’s much easier to keep track of your spending. Don’t use catalogs in any way.

5. Have a bills account so you can transfer the money for monthly bills straight into there when you’re paid. You don’t have to worry about not having enough then.

6. Choose high interest savings accounts. Why not make the most of opportunities to get money for free.

7. Think of fun things to do at home. You won’t spend money at home but you will if you head out for the day.

8. Sign up to newsletters from websites that publicize free samples that companies are offering. You’d be surprised at how many samples are available and many are full sized so you don’t need to buy those products when out shopping.

9. Write a wish list. If you want anything, put it on the wish lit until you can afford it.

10. Go on a coupon hunt. Magazines will publish coupons on new products so you can save money. You can change your food shop accordingly and save money.

11. Experiment in the kitchen. You can make good dishes for a lot less money than you think. See just how cheap you can cook for.

12. Use a cash flow chart to see where you can save money. The needless expenses are a lot easier to see on paper than they are any other way.

13. Take care of the necessities before anything else. Make sure all of the bills are fully paid up before spending money on anything else. You’d be surprised at how many people don’t do this.

14. Sort out your stuff. You don’t need half of what’s in your home so sort out what you need and want you don’t and sell items that fall into the latter category. Ebay and Amazon are excellent sites to sell stuff on. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
15. Try bartering for goods. Independent stores and market stalls will often meet you half way so you can save money.

16. Use comparison sites to find the best deals on goods you absolutely need. There are many comparison sites out there and you can use them for free so you might as well make the most of them.

17. Choose savings accounts with no ATM card attached to them. If your account has a passbook or is an Internet account then the likelihood is that you won’t bother with the hassle of withdrawing money.

18. Write down every single penny you spend for a week to see how much you spend on extras hat you don’t need. The total and shopping list may shock you into considering your sending habits.

19. Walk wherever you can. You’ll be surprised at how much you spend on gas or other transportation for short journeys that you could easily walk to.

20. Recycle anything you can – foil, bottles, jars, clothes and so on. Many people will pass this off as being skanky but it’s just sensible… and frugal. The savings will mount up, and if you don’t believe me keep a diary of the things you reuse over the course of a few months. You’ll soon see what I mean.

21. Make sure the whole house is on board. This is a must because if one person sticks to a new saving regime and the rest of the members of the household don’t then it won’t work.

So there you have it… 21 fantastic tricks as to how you can save a lot of money starting right away. They can stop the quicksand and help get you back on solid ground again and quickly, The savings over a year for any of the above have the potential to be huge so it won’t hurt to try some of them out.

They work for me!

Hot on the heels of the sweeping declarations by our esteemed leader, President “I have no idea what goes on in my country” Bush, that the US economy is in no danger, yet another crisis has hit…(drum roll please)… the US economy! Yes you read that right. Just hours after clueless Bush said that American finances are basically stable and would be back on track by 2012, major investment bank Bear Stearns asked the New York Federal Reserve for help.

This is just another example of one of the major problems that the new president in office will need to remedy if he, or she, is to gain the confidence of the American people.

So the good news is that Bush will be gone, never to return to the White House thank God! But what are the alternatives? Are the new candidates better than Bush in financial matters or ready to deliver a taste of same old, same old? Let’s take a look shall we?

1. Senator John McCain

According to Bush, the economy is stable. It really isn’t, but the scary thing is that McCain seems to believe him. He’s barely mentioned the economy. This could be for one of three reasons –

1. He has no idea what he’d be talking about so he’s taken the easy option
2. He’s letting Bush do the talking for him, which may be the easiest option but also the most stupid one
3. He doesn’t care because he’s going to hike taxes to pay for the next war America embarks on. Maybe he’ll invade Korea… or Vietnam… or Canada.

In fact, McCain seems to have taken the typical Republican view. As long as he is sat in his mansion with his manservant on hand, it really doesn’t matter what the economy does. That’s what his staff are for. So what if the rich get richer and the poor get poorer? At least the Republican legacy will live on.

Bush plans to make sure that tax cuts already in force are permanent and spending plans that have been curbed will be kept that way for the foreseeable future. McCain has no reason not to carry on with this. While not as stupid as Bush, McCain will undoubtedly want to find money for national security and defense. If the rich aren’t paying the taxes than the money will come from you and me.

Housing? Unemployment? The Federal Reserve? Who cares! Not the ancient soldier, that’s for sure!

So who will benefit? The rich, every single time.

2. Senator Barack Obama

The common man’s champion, Obama intends to get rid of aforementioned tax cuts for the rich. After all, they have enough money as it is don’t they? Quite how he’ll do that nobody’s sure because he hasn’t really elaborated. As with most of his policies, Obama hasn’t gone into any detail, possibly so nobody can remind him of it when he fails to get rid of the tax cuts if he gets elected. This is all ifs, ands and buts now but Obama has no experience and apparently no clue what he’s doing. Plus the puppet masters won’t like paying more tax every year.

He’ll probably try to do something about the housing situation and the poverty levels may drop under Obama because he’s got to look out for his people (by which I mean the poorer voters, regardless of race). Unemployment will still remain an issue though because he seems to have no idea about how industry works, besides which robbing from the rich and giving to the poor only works in tales of centuries gone by. He’s no Robin Hood, despite the image of himself he misguidedly has.

So who will benefit? Nobody because he’ll try to please everyone and there’s no way he’ll ultimately be in control. Ask the puppet masters instead.

3. Senator Hilary Clinton

The woman that loaned $5 million to her own campaign reckons that she’ll provide the working classes with the same financial breaks that her husband did if she gets into office. There are so many possible jokes in that statement its untrue, most of them related to Monica Lewinsky, but I’ll leave it alone for now! With $5 million to spare though, she really doesn’t have to worry about where her next buck is coming from so she might just keep her word.

The housing and unemployment situations may well improve because she has prior experience and can always ask Bill if she gets a little stuck from time to time. He had a good economic record, questionable morals perhaps but he didn’t always try and please everyone so his wife shouldn’t have any problems doing the same. Aside from that, there isn’t much to say on economic issues because all you have to do is look at the last Clinton administration to see what she’ll do.

So who will benefit? Ethnic minorities and the middle classes. The rich won’t get richer, for a change but whether the economy would recover is anyone’s guess.

Hmmm, think it’s time to consider life in Canada (kidding!).